Flirt
by KissingFire
Summary: Drabbles of what happens when Jace attempts to train his wimpy sister...No fluff.
1. Late

**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but Jace. Ha. If you believe that, what are you smoking and do you have any more of it?**

**Chapter One**

Clary Fray stared at herself in the mirror. She was in Isabelle Lightwood's room to "borrow" some makeup.

She'd stolen some brown eyeliner, green eyeshadow, and some pink lipstick.

Clary sighed. It was doubtful she needed to wear makeup in the library to study with her brother, Jace.

She dabbed lightly at her eyeliner._ Relax, Clary,_ she told herself sternly. _Jace is your brother. He is your annoying, cute, older brother who you're supposed to always be irratated with._

She sighed. So there was no reason to why she was fussing about the makeup.

_Of course there is, _said a cruel voice in the back of her head. _You love him._

Clary gritted her teeth and ignored the voice.

"Clary!"

She froze. It was Alec, across the hall and pounding her bedroom door.

Shit. He would most likely tell Isabelle that she'd been through her makeup.

Swallowing nervously, Clary slid into Izzy's closet, praying that Alec wouldn't think to look in there.

"Clary, Jace wants to know when you're going to drag your skinny ass down to the library."

Wha-

Clary opened her pink cell, dismayed to see that she was seven minutes late.

"Clary? Come on, I'll show you where the library is so you won't get lost. "

She squeezed her eyes shut. _C'mon, Alec, _she prayed. _Go screw with Magnus. Just go away!_

As if answering her prayers, Alec's phone rang. "Hello?"

Clary felt like screaming. _Alec, get out or Jace is going to _kill _me!_

"Hey, Magnus." Clary felt her eyes widen. Alec's voice was soft and sweet, and if she hadn't known he was gay, she'd say his voice was sexy.

"What? No, of course not. Sure. I'll be there in ten minutes."

Clary sighed. Well, she thought. It only took him three minutes to forget about me.

As Alec's footsteps got fainter and fainter, Clary slid out of the closet and ran out of Izzy's pink door.

After about five yards later, Clary realized she had no idea where the library was.

"Church," she whispered, hoping that the GPA built cat was somewhere near.

"Clary?"

She spun around, gulping when she recognized that familiar voice.

"Clary, you're late."


	2. The Joker

**Wow. Okay, this'll sound really retarded, but I didn't realize I actually published the first chapter until yesterday. So...yeah. **

She was late

Jace sighed, raking his slim fingers through his messy hair, trying to think of how he'd gotten himself into this.

_Flashback_

_Jace shut the library door softly behind him, trying to appear relaxed, even as he felt his foster mother's cold stare on his tense back._

_"Jace." Her voice was emotionless, flat. He turned unwillingly to look at her, refusing to flinch away from the look she was giving him. Distaste and scorn._

_He jerked his head at her, cursing himself for being such a coward about this. Recently being in a fight with Clary, he felt more vulnerable than usual._

_"Sit."_

_He shrugged. "I'd rather stand." He liked to pretend he had more authority if she was seated and he was standing._

_Resentment flashed in her steely eyes, but her expression didn't change. "Very well," she said in a businesslike voice. "I'd like to talk to you about your sister."_

_Jace frowned. "What about Isabelle?" _

_Maryse exhaled sharply, in annoyance. "I'm talking about Clarissa, Jonathon. You're _blood _sibling."_

_If she saw Jace's flinch, she didn't awknowledge it, simply saying, "She needs training if she's going to be apart of this world."_

_Jace scowled. "Then train her," he snapped. "I don't see how this has anything to do with me."_

_Maryse gave him a bone-chilling smile. A cold one she used when she spoke of Downworlders. Except for it was directed at him. _

_"Oh, but Jonathon," she simpered in a sickly sweet tone. "It has EVERYTHING to do with you."_

_Jace didn't say anything. Instread he stood there, arms crossed as he waited for her to explain._

_"You see," she sneered. "Since you were raised by Valentine, I thought you could teach her some of those moves your father taught you. After all," she leaned forward. "You were raised to kill and destroy, am I right?"_

_Seething, Jace whipped out an emerald studded dagger out and flung it at his foster mother's head with such force it made a humming noise. _

_Maryse, caught off guard, barely had time to duck as the dagger sliced into the bookcase behind her, stabbing a book._

_She raised her head to yell and apologize to Jace, only to realize that he was gone. _

_End of Flashback_

Jace rubbed the heel of his hand against his lids, exhaustion running through him. He hadn't been getting enough sleep lately, always awoken with nightmares are just unable to sleep at all.

It'd been five freakin' minutes. Christ. She was worse than Isabelle, who always was thirty minutes late, blaming it on cramps, makeup, right clothes..._Girls._

Jace started. What if she was captured by Valentine or one of his demons on her way down? What if she'd fallen and broken her ankle? Dammit, Wayland-Morgenstern, chill, he ordered himself. She could walk even before you met her.

That left Valentine.

He ran out of the training room, panic starting to swallow him whole.

He paused, sniffing with bewilderment. Angel Perfume? What was Isabelle doing here?

Jace frowned, and jogged, following the strong smell of Isabelle's Angel Perfume. And was shocked to see Clary instead of the raven-haired Shadowhunter.

He immediataly felt angry at himself for worrying. Of course she was alright. But you knew that, moron, he cursed himself. You were just worried because you thought she was going to Simon's.

Whatever.

"You're late," he snapped in a quiet, scornful tone.

She jumped at his voice, spinning around.

Jace blinked. He'd seen crazy shit before, but nothing prepared him for what Clary looked like at the moment.

She looked like the fuckin' Joker.

She wore smeared fire engine red lipstick, white stage makeup caked her face, with the faintest hints of pink blush on her cheekbones. Her eyeliner went to her temple, and she had green eyeshadow.

Jace, trying to swallow his laugh, ended up choking and coughing.

Clary glared at him. "What's so funny, douchebag?"

He snorted. "Your face."

The redhead rolled her eyes. "Nice. But that expired years ago."

Poor girl. "No," he choked out as he struggled not to laugh at her clown-like face. "I mean _your face._"

A horrified look crossed over her makeup, and Clary darted over to one of the floor length mirrors in the hallway.

Jace snickered. Clary's eyes popped out at her reflection, and her mouth dropped. "Not cool," she muttered under her breath.

Jace bit his tongue, but it came out anyway: "Don't worry about it. I always had a fetish for Batman."

Dodging Clary's fist, he walked quickly down the halls, knowing she wouldn't be able to catch him with those short legs, even running.

"It's time for training."

Clary refused to wash the crap off her face. Jace could laugh, but she would get a chance to kick his butt during training.

He was standing in the middle of the training room, arms crossed over his chest.

"Alright, Joker," he said in a cheerful voice, ignoring the glare she threw at him. "Down to business. I want you to pretend to be spiderman."

Ookay. "Is that Shadowhunter Code for something?"

Jace rolled his eyes. "No," he told her in a 'duh' tone. "First off, we don't have 'Shadowhunter Codes' except for our weapons' names. Second, Spiderman means I want you to climb up the wall, with out falling, and then backflip down. And land on your feet," he added.

Either I'd be dead or in a wheelchair by the time this lesson was over, she thought sighing.

"JACE."

Clary's short nails were digging into the wall as she awkwardly tried to scramble up the steep wall.

Jace ignored the concern that was nagging at his brain. Which was weird, because if it had been Izzy, he'd be laughing at her, and telling her to take off her damn French Tips.

But it was disconcerting watching Clary try to climb up to the ceiling. She was halfway up,and since it was the first day, he'd let her take the corner.

"You assclown!" she growled, hitching her foot up a ittle higher. "This is abuse!"

Jace lost her on assclown, his eyes wondering to the shorts that hugged her thighs...

"My face is up here, dumbass."

Jace's eyes snapped up at a scowling Clary. "Don't look down," he warned her, but it was too late.

Clary's eyes fell on him, and her eyes widened with a gasp, as she lost her footing and careened down to the ground.

**Hah. Guess makeup's not Clary's thing...**

**Review!**


	3. Cooties

*****Yes, I am aware that I haven't updated this in like...a year. Sorry.**

**(~~~~*~~~~)**

**Jace**

As much as he wanted to say she fell gracefully, her head thrown back, her back arched into the air, and her arms hanging loosely at her sides, she really didn't.

Clary screamed the whole drop, flailing her arms like a drunken man, and he winced sympathetically as he elbow connected with the wall with a sharp _crack._

And when she collapsed on the floor, she was still screaming.

Jace rolled his eyes. Christ, she was a bigger drama queen than Alec. Last summer, he got a splinter in his pinky finger, and had three iratzes drawn over them, screeching louder than a banshee the whole time.

"JACE." She raised her head, her bright green eyes furious. "I am in pain here. Get your fat ass over here!"

Her mouth was still stretched open from while she was screaming, making her Joker getup even more humorous. Jace sighed, pulling out his _stele. _

"I'm coming, hold on. God."

Girls were so annoying. What happened to the days when they ran away from boys with cooties. Now they were inviting boys over to _give _cooties.

Clary huffed, and pouted.

Well, she might have been pouting. Of maybe it was just the lipstick. Either way, it wasn't really appealing.

"Well, hurry up then. I think I broke my elbow."

Jace knelt down beside her. "Actually, you broke your arm. Your elbow is just shattered."

Clary stared at him. "Put a freakin' _iratze _on me, then, dammit!"

_Cooties..._

Jace sighed, and put an _iratze _rune on her arm.

She stood up, and looked at him. "Alright," she said, brightly. "I climbed up the wall..."

_And fell, _Jace added inwardly. "...Do I get a break, yet?"

_Was she _serious_? _

Jace crossed his arms. "Nope. Now, we spar."

**(*****)**

**Review...cause it's been FOREVER since I've updated this...**


	4. Bloody Noses and Family Jewels

**:p Yeah, I updated. **

**'Cause I'm awesome like that.**

**(~~~~*~~~~)**

**Clary**

_He's going to freakin' kill me._

Jace stood on the center of the mat, completely relaxed. As if beating up his little sister was something he did every day.

He sighed theatrically, and rolled his eyes. "Jesus, Clary," he said. "I'm not going to hurt you. Today, anyway." He shrugged. "All I'm going to do is teach you is how to block."

Clary grudgingly nodded. Sure, she could do blocking. She'd seen enough kung-fu movies with Simon to know how to block. Just raise your arm and duck.

She tossed back her hair. "For your information, I know how to block," she stated proudly.

Jace shrugged. "Great. Do you know how to block a punch?"

She nodded. "Duh. I like, knew that before I could walk." _Lies._

He squinted his eyes at her. "C'mon, then. What are you afraid of?"

Clary ignored the question, and walked over so that she stood directly in frint of him, feet shoulder-width apart.

"Alright." He rubbed his hands together, eagerly. "Ready to start with the low block?"

Before she could nod, a hard, bony fist had crunched into her nose, and she winced as blood gushed from her nostrils.

_"WHAT THE HELL, JACE?"_

He squinted at her. "Does it hurt?" he asked, sounding extremely curious, still cooler than a cucumber.

_"OF COURSE IT HURTS, YOU DOUCHE BAG! YOU BROKE MY FUCKIN' NOSE!"_

Jace didn't move. "You were supposed to block it, Clary," he said scratching the side of his head, awkwardly.

_"YOU DID IT TO FAST!"_

"But I'm supposed to."

_"I CAN"T BLOCK IN THREE FUCKIN' SECONDS!"_

"I thought you said you knew how to block."

_"I DID! BUT YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO!"_

"Christ. Stop yelling."

_"I'M NOT YELLING!"_

Jace covered his ears. "Fine, fine. You're not yelling. Damn."

_"FIX IT, YOU DICKMUCHER!"_

"Fix what?"

_"ARHHHHG!"_

In an act of pure frusteration, Clary stomped her foot an screamed, swinging her left foot back, and smiled smugly as her foot connected with his tecticles.

_"SON OF A BI-" _Jace cupped his jewels, and fell to the mat. "Why," he groaned. "For the love of God, _why?"_

Clary scowled at him. _"BECAUSE YOU BROKE MY CUTE NOSE, YOU ASS!" _She stomped her foot again. _"NOW I HAVE TO GET PLASTIC SURGERY, AND I'LL LOOK _SO _UGLY-"_

Jace grunted. "Yeah, you think you're in pain? I don't think I'll ever be able to have kids." He scrunched his eyes shut. "Or have anything, for that matter."

Clary shrugged. _"I WANT A FREAKIN' IRATZE, AND I WANT IT NOW!" _

Jace sat up, cradling his balls, and scowled at her. "I want a bag of frozen peas," he retorted. "And I can't get up, so you can wait till Isabelle or Alec gets back."

Clary shook her head. "Alec went to Magnus's house," she said, her voice hoarse from screeching.

Jace paused. "In that case, you might have to wait a couple of days before he comes back..." he shrugged. "I'll have Izzy draw one on _my _family jewels, and she can fix your...nose."

Clary huffed. "Fine, I'm having my lunch break."

She left the room.

"CLARY." Jace swore softly. "Dammit, Clary, I need some frozen peas..."

**(~~~~*~~~~)**

**Reviews make Jace's balls feel better...XD**


	5. Pretty

**I probably should be updating on my other stories, but I really needed some humor right now...**

**(&&&*&&&)**

**Clary**

Jace looked weird.

Like, really weird.

He was sitting across from her, a lump under his pants, making his lap look _huge. _

Clary rolled her eyes. She hadn't even kicked him that hard. So she didn't really see why he felt the need to shove a bag of frozen peas down his pants.

They were in the library, and Jace was trying to get her to read a book on the history of the Nephilim.

_Yawn._

"Jace, I'm bored."

He looked at her, and gulped slightly, crossing one leg so that it covered his crotch.

_Pansy. _"Not that kind of bored, you moron," Clary muttered. "This lesson is boring. What's so great about angels?"

Jace shrugged. "They're our ancestors, so they're pretty important."

"They aren't even that pretty. I thought angels were supposed to be..You know, cute."

Jace stared. "Who cares if they're pretty? Angels don't have to be pretty."

Clary smiled at him, and Jace looked a little bit frightened.

"Do you think I'm pretty, Jace?"

"Uh..."

**Jace**

Pretty?

How could she look pretty when she looked like _It_'s cousin? And how had they gone from talking about angels to her "beauty"?

"Uh..."

_Awkward._

Clary's eyes narrowed. "You do think I'm pretty, don't you, Jace?"

Immediataly, Jace's hands drifted down towards his numbing groin. By the _Angel, _their family line would die out if she kept kicking him..._there. _

"O-Of course I think your pretty, Isa-"

_Oh. My. ANGEL._

Clary froze. "Were you about to say, "Isabelle"?" Her voice was dangerously soft.

_Dammit, dammit. _

"No! I just-"

"So you think Isabelle is pretty, but I'm not?"

Jace's balls tightened, and not in a good way. _I'm so sorry, you two. You guys were my best friends. Always there for me when I needed comfort-_

Jace shook his head. He _would _protect them. "Clary, you're my sister, so I don't really think it'd really be appropriate for me to-"

"Screw appropriate!" Clary crossed her arms, squinted her eyes, and pouted her fishy lips.

_Damn. And I thought Miley Cyrus failed at 'Come hither' expressions._

Jace coughed uncomfortably. "Clary, I really think we should get back to the books. You need to learn about Raziel-"

Clary smirked, tossing her orange hair over her shoulder. "I have an idea," she said in a croaky voice. "And I'm sure you'll find it more interesting than Raziel..."

_Uh oh. _Jace frowned. Did he just throw up in his mouth? It sure tasted like it.

"Uh, yeah. You know what? You're right. I'm done with the angels." _And the Angelina Jolie pouting, _he added inwardly. "Lets start with...runes."

"Oh, of _course._" Clary winked at him. "I can't wait to see what _runes _you have in store for me."

Oh, Christ.

**Review...**


	6. The Intoxication Rune

**Bad news: I'm grounded, and not allowed on my computer. **

**Good news: I'm extremely sneaky...;)**

**~F~F~F~F~F~F~F~F~**

**Clary**

Clary had always considered herself a "mild teenager".

She never drank, did drugs, or smoked. Or partied that much, despite all those times she'd been to clubs.

Just then did she realize just what she'd been missing out on.

After throwing up her peanut butter and jelly sandwhich all over some important history book in the Institute library, Clary pulled her shirt off over her head, tossing it at Jace, who whooped loudly, and twirled it around in the air.

**Five Minutes Earlier**

After another painfully boring lesson, this time on runes, Clary had asked if anybody _created _a rune of their own.

Jace said no, the angels created them.

Never one to be outdone, Clary began listing a bunch of runes that would be helpful, or just fun to play with.

Then Jace said the stupidest thing you ever say to a younger sibling who holds a grudge; Especially when you'd broken her nose earlier.

"You know what'd be cool? A rune that made you piss-drunk."

Clary thought that was a wonderful idea, and an awesome prank. With the hangover afterwards, as a bonus.

She began sketching, as Jace droned on and on about the different types of runes, and eventually, one of her drawings ended up looking rune-ish.

Clary drew on herself, after telling Jace to look out the window. He stood there for a good five minutes, staring at nothing. Idiot.

By the time he turned around, she was already swaying in her seat, feeling deliriously happy. And nauseated.

She didn't remember much after that, except for tackling Jace when he finally _did _catch on. He let her, willingly laying there for her to draw a slightly crooked "Intoxicating" rune. But that was probably due to the fact her elbow had struck him in the groin mid-tackle.

Which led to her throwing up her lunch, and stripping off her shirt.

**Present**

**Jace**

Usually, whenever girls threw their shirts off and at him, Jace always took that opportunity to bore holes into their chests with his eyes.

But when it was his flat-chested younger sister dancing on the table in front of him, he just felt like a pervert. Not because it was his _sister, _mind you. It was the green-and-pink polka-dotted bra. it made him feel like he was staring at a twelve-year-old. Not exactly an ego booster.

Clary laughed and toppled off of the table, and face-first onto Jace's lap. He groaned as her bony forehead slammed into his nether regions. What the hell was with all the rough loving towards not-so-Little-Jace?

"Ja-ace," she hiccuped, looking at him. "You're pretty." She hiccuped again.

Pretty. Remembering their earlier conversations of "pretty" things, Jace's mind began screaming at him.

_Evacuate! Evacuate!_

Apparently though, while drunk, Jace had no control over his mouth filter.

"Cla-ary," he slurred, trying to poke at one of her three noses, and ended up poking her left eye. "You're ug-_hic-_ly."

She frowned, and giggled. "Douchebag."

Jace wasn't done, though. "And whenever we made out, you got spit in my mouth."

Clary spat at him. "You kiss worse than Alec," she retorted.

Jace's stomach began to heave, the effects of the-whatever it was that was making him act like this-finally getting to him.

_Hold up. _What _did she just say?_

Clary burped. "I like licorice," she said, suddenly. "It tastes good."

Hmm. Jace blinked, dazedly. _Was the room spinning?_

"Except for black licorice. That stuff is _na-sty._" Clary shuddered. Or was that just him?

"Oh! And I like pizza. Cheese is good."

The thought of cheese was making the taste of bile in his mouth even more prominent. _Please, shut up, _he thought with a groan.

"But when they burn the cheese, it tastes like burnt rubber, and I usually have to swallow it whole so I don't taste-"

Pause.

_"EW!"_

Jace sighed, relaxing in his chair, holding his breath. The stench of Clary's old pb&j mixing with his bbq was almost enough to make him want to be sick again.

Clary stared up at him, the remains of his lunch covering her hair.

She spat out something on the floor, and Jace winced at a sudden pain in his head. Christ. He'd better not get a hangover from this, dammit!

Then he realized what she spat out.

Gross.

_That's what you get for talking when someone above you is throwing up._

**~F~F~F~F~F~F~F~F~**

**Ew...**

**There'll be an epilogue after this, than the story's over...**

**Review...**


	7. Isabelle's Discovery

**This is painfully short...**

**~F~F~F~F~**

**Isabelle (Duh)**

Oh.

My.

_Angel._

The smell of vomit was prominent in the air, but she'd worry about that later. Her boots were stained with Church's lovely "Welcome Home" present, but all of her focus was on one thing.

Her room.

Sweet, dear Raziel.

Tubes of lipstick were tossed and squished, smeared and no longer useable.

Her Angel Perfume, the one-hundred-and fifty dollar bottle of perfume Mom and Daddy had gotten her for her birthday recently, was more than half empty.

Containers of green eye shadow was shallow, and she noticed that it had somehow had gotten on that new lacy g-string Magnus had given her on her birthday.

There was red and pink outlines of lips on her mirror, as if someone had kissed their reflection.

By now, Isabelle was shaking with rage.

Oh, yes. Isabelle Lightwood was _pissed._

This had happened before. Once, but it was just as bad.

_"GODDAMMIT JACE! I _TOLD _YOU TO STAY OUT OF MY MAKEUP!"_

**~F~F~F~F~**

**O_o**

**Review...**


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